Having been a regular when it came to performing prayers, (alhamdulillah) there used to be moments when my mind would be present elsewhere whilst my body did the routine muscular movement, making me feel like a hypocrite…
Praying tahajjud (even though I knew of the umpteen benefits) never seemed “easy”…Well how could I leave my comfy bed even before fajr prayer..
I would pray but I felt the spiritual connection missing, if I may put it that way..The prayers were there but my heart yearned for something more..a feeling that could be more stronger than what I felt.
Coupled with this were other “demands” in my life which I wanted Allah (swt) to fulfill FAST!! While He is the Best of Judges and knows exaclty what should be bestowed when, my human mind could not wait. I used to go down with memories and incidents which were rather disturbing. and so began my tahajjud journey..
Initially I would wake up 15 to 20 minutes beofre fajr time, pray and go back to sleep..yes.. I had to catch up on sleep even if it meant just 5 minutes.. lol
Later on, praying tahajjud became a lovely habit alhamdulillah…The best part of this routine was the immense amount of mental satisfaction I obtained..it made me feel at ease and at peace with myself..
While my duas intially were solely based on those quick fulfillment’s I was yearning for, I slowly began to diversify my dua list and finally finally reached a stage where I would just sit there and thank Allah for every single minute thing I had never thanked before…
I could never count the blessings He’s given so I would remain an indebted slave!
The calmness of the night, the silent ruffling of leaves once in a while (like as if they are trying to compete with me to get Our Creator’s attention) and the feeling of me sitting there all alone pouring my heart out to my Lord was unmatchable. Tears would roll down like as if there was a tear producing factory inside..anger, frustration and disappointment were soon replaced with serenity and mental satisfaction.
Somehow, the same connection doesn’t seem to occur during my daytime prayers. It could be because of the noises, voices or just my mind wandering away into thinking about the other stuff that need to be completed..or maybe I’m yet to master that level of khushoo.
But tahajjud has been the time where I could reflect, speak and speak for hours together (yes I’m talkative but not with everyone) and my day would seem so perfect..even the normal worries would seem so little…tahajjud was like a mental eraser that kept erasing these unwanted thoughts..
Which again reminds me of the verse “Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest”
Alhamdulillah…now I get up at 3 or 3:30 in the morning just to pray those two rakats. I hardly miss out on tahajjud and unlike my previous endevours, its not that hard to lift the blanket after all :)